Hornswoggled
by IllBeYourYoongi
Summary: There are three things Darcy loves in this world: food, her iPod, and Sparky. Clint Barton is doing his best to make himself a close fourth. Unfortunately, mischief - and perhaps fate - has different plans for the spunky intern. Plans that begin in very unexpected ways.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this just kind of happened. Darcy started talking in my ear and out came this first chapter! Lemme know what y'all think, what you'd like to see, and what should happen to my lovelies. Oh, also, I'm always open to hearing what you think comes next even if it's way off the wall! So, yeah, drop me a note and look for more chapters soon :)**

* * *

Darcy couldn't believe that this guy was being so idiotic. Wait... was he about to commit suicide? What was this book even about anymore? She heard a cyclist whizzing her way and, not wanting to stop reading at this tense moment in book history, side-stepped him and continued on down the path.

No. Freaking. Way.

This wasn't happening. This character was a jerk, but he wasn't that big of an idiot. Was he? Wait, was that a second canister of arsenic he just pulled...

"NO!" Darcy screamed out loud, clutching the book tighter and letting her jaw fall open. "You did _not_ just... Ugh!"

Thankfully, no passers-by had seen or heard her outburst. She didn't want to be taken to an insane asylum. She wasn't insane, she was just overly passionate about characters in fictional worlds. They were real to her, okay?! Forget what other people thought about her crazy reactions to a world that didn't exactly exist. Books were good for... adventure. She didn't get enough of that.

A twig snapped somewhere nearby.

Darcy stopped, lowered her book, and readjusted her hair behind her ear. She should be used to weird noises on this trail. There were too many dog people around, and little bunny rabbits who wanted to stay hidden. Yeah. That's what it was. A cute, adorable little bunny.

She lifted her book and took another step.

This time, a moan, long and low, reached her ears.

No, that wasn't right. Maybe she had been reading too long. This was all one big hallucination.

It came again, this time sounding like someone in immense pain.

Oh, screw it. If it was a hallucination, no harm no foul. If it really was someone in trouble—or pain—then she had the chance to be a hero for once. To actually be useful for something. Instead of just being the boring third wheel all the time.

Well, that was settled. Darcy closed her book, hugged it to her chest, and stepped past the row of nearly impenetrable bushes blocking her path. Darn thorns and thistles! Darcy gave the bushes one final karate chop and a frown, then turned to venture into the trees.

"Stupid... sticky things... I'll show you... poke me... the nerve!" Darcy mumbled incoherent sentences as she tugged a few limbs from her boots and jeans.

She stopped short when she heard the moan again, this time ending in an animalistic wail. Never a good sign.

"Hel- _lo_?" Darcy held her book tighter and spun her gaze in a semi-circle. No signs of life. Yet. "Anyone there?"

 _Great, Darcy. Yell out the most obvious thing that comes to mind, why don'tcha?_ People in horror movies always screamed that seconds before their overdue demise. They, however, were idiots. Darcy was a very intelligent poli-sci major (drop-out) slash science-y intern person slash witty comeback queen. She could do this! Sure, she was scared half to death, but who cared? She could totally just tase the person—if indeed it was a person—if they tried anything terrible.

This time, it wasn't a moan or a yell that caught her attention, but two breathless words. "Help. Me."

Okay, that sounded like someone being strangled. Darcy yanked her taser from her bag and held it in one hand, the other still crunching her book to her chest.

"Help-" anything else the person might have said was cut short with a wheeze.

Darcy stepped over another small line of bushes and found herself on one of the jogging trails. One of the abandoned, "I'm-under-construction-so-don't-come-near-me" jogging trails that were basically a death trap waiting for their next victim to swallow whole.

Another choked sound came from across the path. Well, it didn't look too far across and there weren't any holes or wet cement, so Darcy shrugged and stepped out, holding her taser out before her. Sparky would stop any bad guys that tried to jump at her.

As usual, Darcy turned out to be totally wrong.

Something slid over her head and clasped tightly around her windpipe.

Instinctively, Darcy dropped Sparky and her book so her hands were free to grasp at whatever that thing was. Was that... metal? What the heck? Who strangled people with a chain? Oh, no. This was a serial killer, wasn't it? She had always known this day would come. That one day, she would use her naivete to her own disadvantage and find herself thrown in a ravine.

Nevertheless, she would not go easily.

Darcy grasped the chain as tightly as she could, wiggling her fingers between the disgusting metal thing and her own neck. If she got scars from this, she was going to sue. In one swift movement, she kicked out behind her, but the shifting chain signified that her attacker avoided her counter-attack.

Suddenly, she found her back pressed tightly against... something. Something that felt a lot like either rock hard abs or Thor's armor. Had to be abs through a shirt. Thor wouldn't try to strangle her, and the only time he'd shielded her close enough for her to feel the metal and leather was... a sore subject in the lab. She'd rather not talk about that. She liked Jane's friendship too much to bring it up.

Whoever—or whatever—was behind her, Darcy didn't care. She pulled at the chains, motivated by both fear and anger. "Let me go!" she shrieked, although it sounded rather hoarse. "You'll never get away with this. You'll be tried and hanged! Burned at the stake! I know powerful people, not to mention my boyfriend is a master assassin!" Okay, so the last part was a half-truth, but who cared?

The man behind her (at that height, he had to be a guy) lowered his head to her ear. She could feel his breath on the side of her face.

"That's just what I wanted to hear," he cooed.

Darcy squeaked, mostly in fear but also because he tightened the chain around her neck. As much as she fought it, seconds later Darcy's world went black.

* * *

 _/ /_

* * *

"Okay, so then we can just fly on up to the roof—I'll grab Arrow over there—and then it's down we go. Through the chimney. Merry Christmas bad guys, Santa's coming in the form of the Avengers." Stark pumped a fist and grinned evilly.

Clint Barton rolled his eyes and stretched out in his corner hammock. He didn't understand why Tony had called this whole "strategy" meeting. For the past half hour, it had just been one man ranting and telling all the other grown men (and woman) what to do. Not that there was anything unusual about that. There wasn't. Tony needed to grow up. And fast, before he got arrow-happy.

"This plan is missing something..." Tony stood and began to pace.

Clint watched him warily. He hadn't heard anything missing in the entire rant. What was Tony up to?

The man in question stopped and snapped his fingers. "A decoy! J, ring Ms. Lewis in the lab and tell her I need to talk to her pronto."

"Hey, wait a minute!" Clint was the first to speak, but not the first person to jump to his feet. Every other guy in the room jumped as soon as Darcy's name was mentioned.

Thor flexed his fingers on Mjolnir's handle.

Steve's shield was aimed in the direction of Tony's head.

Bruce looked a little green.

Clint would have joined the party of threats, but they had that pretty well covered. Truth was, most of them had kind of adopted Darcy as a little sister of sorts. Most of them. He would have preferred a different sort of relationship with the beautiful brunette lab assistant. He just hadn't found the guts to ask her yet. Besides, even though she seemed to flirt with everyone else, she never flirted with him. At least not like that.

Tony tilted his head and furrowed his brow. He resembled a puppy that didn't understand why it was being reprimanded. "I'm listening, but I don't think I'm going to like what you're going to say."

What Clint was about to say was, "We're not using Darcy as bait." Unfortunately, he didn't have time to get it out. JARVIS interrupted him.

"Sir, Ms. Lewis is not in the labs."

"Then check her room," Tony instructed.

"I'm afraid she left early this morning with a book and her iPod and hasn't returned since, sir."

Clint checked a clock. Eleven in the morning. She should have been back hours ago. Sure, she always took an early morning walk around the park to have some time to herself, but she was always back by nine, at the latest. He threw a look to Stark, who seemed just as concerned.

"Jarvis, what time did she leave?" Clint asked, then set his jaw to keep from tirading all over the place.

"Promptly at six-thirty, sir."

"She should be back by now." Steve anchored the shield to his back and shook his head.

Bruce held up his hands as though to settle an angry crowd. "Let's not jump to conclusions. Has anyone tried calling her yet?"

"Bruce, she's _always_ back by now," Tony clarified.

"Maybe she got distracted." Bruce tossed Tony a look that said he better shut up and listen to reason.

"By what?"

Good question. Darcy usually had singular focus. Get done what she needed to get done so she could party or watch a movie or go eat.

Bruce shrugged. "I don't know. A puppy or something. You know how she gets around anything cute and fluffy."

Clint had to agree with that one. There had been an incident with a kitten not so long ago. Jane still hadn't quite forgiven Steve for bringing it to see Darcy while she was working. The lab had almost burned down. Needless to say, cute fluffy things _really_ distracted Darcy Lewis. Just another one of her charming flaws.

"Barton, phone— no." Tony shook his head like it was a ridiculous idea and instead glanced to the ceiling. "Jarvis, call Darcy's phone."

Clint caught his breath and held it. Bruce had to be right. Darcy was okay, just distracted by something shiny. She would pick up the phone and apologize in her overly dramatic, wordy way and everything would be fine. She had to be fine, because he didn't think he could handle it if she wasn't. _Come on, come on, come on. Pick up the phone, Darcy!_

The ringing on the loudspeakers cut off. Clint listened intently, hoping for Darcy's cheerful, "Y'ello, superbros!" It didn't come.

"Hey, I don't know you, and this is crazy, but you've reached Darcy's number. Call again later maybe?" Her voicemail message. That couldn't be a good sign. She always answered when JARVIS called. Always.

Bruce, Steve, and Clint all turned for the elevator at the same time. Clint heard the clicks and whirs behind him as Tony's suit bolted itself into place around him. Thor's heavy footsteps sounded like he was headed for the balcony, but Clint didn't care. Something was wrong, Darcy was missing, and he would give his own life if it meant getting her back. He stepped into the elevator and let his anger for the situation simmer. Together, the Avengers set out to find their adopted sister.


	2. Chapter 2

This. Was not. Her big, comfy bed. This wasn't even her big comfy couch. This was something else entirely. It was too firm to be her bed, and too cool to be the couch. Yet it was too soft to be her floor. And, boy, did her neck hurt! She must have slept in a bad...

Darcy sat bolt upright and scanned her surroundings. Okay, so this wasn't the woods anymore. At least that meant she was alive and fairly okay. For now.

She remembered a chain around her neck, some crazy lunatic behind her, and... oh, no. She hadn't, had she? Had she ranted at him about her ability to bring The Avengers down on him with a flick of her wrist? That had to be the only reason she was still alive. Anyone could tell the guy had wanted her dead.

"Oh, good. You're awake." the clinking of chains in a shadowy corner alerted her to the stranger's presence.

Wait... clinking of chains? What was this? A gothica ghost romance?

Steve's advice in the event that she should ever be kidnapped stormed through her brain. _"Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut, Butterfly. Any minor detail could be the key to your escape."_

Darcy didn't know when he had started calling her "Butterfly", but she knew what he referenced by the nickname. The intricate white butterfly tattooed on her left shoulder. Because, yeah, Steve had once walked in on her while she was in just a bra and panties. She could still imagine his shocked, red face as he turned around and apologized in about forty different ways. She really hadn't cared, as the important bits had been covered and her undergarments weren't even as revealing as a bikini, but obviously Steve had.

"You look pale, mortal. Have you nothing to say?"

 _Eyes open, mouth shut. Eyes open, mouth shut. Eyes open, mouth shut..._ Ugh! It was futile. Too many questions and witty comebacks. Curse her brain for its quick wit!

Darcy folded her arms and lifted an eyebrow. Thank God she'd worn her contacts instead of her glasses. "Where's Sparky? If you broke him, I demand you buy me a new Sparky."

"I've really no idea what you're going on about."

"No idea what I'm going on about?! What are you, royalty? Sparky! The little box that shoots electricity! You made me drop him, and I assume you erased all signs of me from that stupid killing trail, so where is he?!"

"Oh. That." The voice stopped long enough to chuckle. Like she had actually amused this crazy person. "I did, indeed, leave it on the _killing trail_."

Mockery? Was he mocking her? Where was Sparky when she needed him the most?! She didn't have her pepper spray anymore, either. That had probably ended up in a ditch with Sparky. Her knife was inaccessible since she didn't know where on God's green earth this psycho had put her bag. And her book! What about her book? She had to know how it ended! Oh, cruel, cruel fate! How heartless it could be to those who only wanted to finish a good book and electrocute the crazies who tried this kidnapping crap.

Darcy stood to her feet and propped her hands on her hips. "I demand to know who you are and why I'm here this instant, you crazy sicko pervert!"

"Calling names will not help your cause, Ms. Lewis."

"How is it fair that you get to know who I am and I have no clue who you are? Huh? I call foul! I want to know who tried to strangle me and why and how I get out of this stupid situation I find myself in!" Okay, so the foot stomp that went along with her demands may have been a bit childish, but she was cranky and scared.

"Do your lips ever stop moving?" Chains clinked again, shuffling along something hard in the shadows.

Darcy swallowed and braced herself. She would not back away. She would not show fear. She was Darcy freakin' Lewis and she would stand her ground in front of this insane person!

He shuffled from the shadows, green eyes ablaze with fury and malicious intent. And, crap, he was tall. Way taller than Darcy ever thought about being. With long, slicked-back black hair. And armor. His wrists were shackled together, but he had already proven he could snap her even with the impediment.

Realization dawned as he strode ever nearer. Armor. Metal and cloth armor. Armor that looked an awful lot like Thor's and Sif's and Fandral's. Armor that could only be...

" _Crap_!" Darcy clapped a hand over her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. She had only meant to berate herself inside her safe, pretty head. Where this giant Asgardian reject couldn't get to her.

A slow, maniacal smile spread across his lips. "Oh, dear, Ms. Lewis. What is it you have suddenly discovered that shocks you so?"

"Y-y-you're... you're L-Loki?" Darcy swallowed again. She had to pull it together. No way was she going to let him know just how scared she really was. He would eat it up. And then he might get hungry again and eat her, beanie and all! Speaking of...

Darcy lifted a hand to her head and felt around for the cap she had been wearing this morning. It must have fallen off in the struggle, because she couldn't find it anywhere in her mass of curls. She didn't dare to turn around to see if it still laid on... whatever it was behind her. Great, so... no weapon, no way to hide, and very little courage left. She could totally do this. "W-why do you... do you need me?"

"Need you?" Loki laughed aloud, then shook his head at her. "I do not _need_ anyone. I want them sometimes, and I use them always, but I never need them."

Okay. Seeming less and less human the more he talked. Also, getting a lot creepier. Darcy took a single step back. "You know, usually—on Earth—when we mere mortals want to meet someone or get to know them, we start with an introduction. Like, who are you even?"

"I am Loki, of Asgard." He didn't stop his slow advance.

Darcy blinked and straightened her shoulders. He hadn't even flinched at her sarcasm. She literally had no defense against this guy! "Oh." She shrugged. "Well... hello."

"Mm," Loki purred. He sped up, nearing her with more force and speed than she could handle.

Darcy stumbled backward until her legs hit something behind her. She landed with a thump on the cool green sheets. Oh, so that had been a bed she woke up on. Great. Just the scare she needed right now. Not.

Loki flung his chains over her head and tugged her up by her waist. "You are going to remove these shackles from me."

"Yeah?" Darcy stood her ground, even with the super close proximity, and lifted her chin. She stared him down. "And why would I do that?"

"Because," Loki smirked and lowered his lips to her ear, "people who assist me live longer."

"Was that a threat?!" Darcy pulled back, as far away as she could get without slicing herself in half with his shackles. "How dare you threaten me?! I will have you know that I am on a first-name basis with five out of six Avengers and they will personally hunt you down if you do anything, and I mean _anything_ , to hurt me!"

"Oh, I'm counting on it."

"And another thing—what?" Darcy stopped struggling long enough to blink and try to process what he had just said.

"Help me remove these," Loki pulled the chains tighter around her waist, "and I will endeavor to explain my little plan."

"You expect me to believe you're going to go on a villainous monologue and dish your entire evil plan?" Darcy eyed Loki suspiciously.

He shrugged. "Well... yes."

"Sounds legit." Darcy looked down at the chains. "I'm going to need a trip to a record store, at least a pint of ice cream, and you to remove these things from around me. This is such an awkward position for removing shackles."

"What if I don't want to move?"

This guy was legitimately bonkers. Even she couldn't follow his mood swings. More like mood roller coasters. Malicious one second, flirty the next. Who even was he? Aside from a moderately good-looking alien prince who was probably filthy rich. Eh. Maybe helping him wouldn't be too terrible. If Thor never thought Loki was all bad, who was she to protest?

"Ms. Lewis?"

"Hm? Oh. Well, if you don't want to move I can't help you out much. Have to be able to see the lock to unlock it."

"Well, perhaps I like my own view right now." Loki smirked at her again. "It has been long since I held a woman in my arms. That color is ravishing on you, you know."

Was he trying to absolutely confound her? What was that even about? Darcy glanced down at her sweater. Oh, yeah. Maybe this had been a bad choice of shirts for the day. An emerald green cashmere number with a wide neck. _Emerald green_. His color. Could he not resist anything with green on it? She had a few Disney villains she could introduce him to. They would probably hit it off.

Fed up with his bipolar tendencies, Darcy shoved him away and dropped to the floor. Finally, sweet freedom. She rolled to the side and curled her knees to her chest. She didn't even care that it made her look small and childish. She wanted as much space as he would give her.

Loki sighed. "What is a records store?"

"A place where they sell music records. I broke my Bon Jovi record and I need a replacement." Darcy nodded once, as if that explained everything. It did. Kinda. She had more things in mind, but she couldn't tell her captor that!

"Fine. I shall oblige you. Now..." Loki pointed to the bed in front of him. "Come here and unlock these."

She almost wished she could stall. He had really long fingers, and given free reign they might be more damaging than the chains. She knew from her own fair share of personal experiences that fingernails—no matter how short—could hurt like crazy. Actually, the shorter they were the worse they hurt. She shuddered, never wanting to relive that. Clint had gotten to her before the Chinese assassin had managed to end her.

Darcy found she really missed him. If Clint would come save her from this predicament, she would owe him for life. And he would. He would come to save her. He always did. This time wasn't any different. Except... you know... Loki.

/ /

"I have her beanie!" Natasha called from down the trail. "She was definitely here."

Clint jogged to where Natasha stood with Darcy's favorite burgundy cap in hand. He reached out and gingerly untucked it from around Nat's fingers. Darcy wore this hat when she was thinking, and took pride in producing her "thinking cap" when someone was stumped. He couldn't believe she would leave it behind. She grew too attached to things and wouldn't give them up. Not ever. No, something was really wrong here and somehow Darcy was at the middle of it.

"Barton, Romanoff..." Tony's voice clearly called in Clint's ear.

Clint sighed and reached a hand to cover his other ear. To drown out the wind, or so he told himself, but even he knew it was to hide his emotions from Natasha. "Yeah, Stark?"

"You're gonna want to see this. We've got big trouble. Take a sharp left and trudge a straight path through the shrubbery."

Clint swallowed to remove the lump from his throat. When Tony Stark insisted that the others were going to want to see something, they usually could have done without it. Nevertheless, Clint took off through the bushes. Had Darcy really gone this way? She could be such an idiot overachiever sometimes. Why would she go off alone? Where there were no security cameras.

"Halt. Stop. Cease. Desist." Stark held up his hands to signal both the master assassins to stop where they were. "You need to see this just the way it is."

Clint let his eyes slide shut for a brief moment. He didn't want to see it, because he was certain it would change his outlook on the whole situation. However, being an Avenger and a darn good spy, he knew he had to look. He had to know what happened. Dread whispered at the back of his mind as he opened his eyes. And Clint gasped.

Darcy's newest book sat on the ground at the side of the trail. On top of it, perfectly placed, were her taser and pepper spray. Next to them, centered perfectly on the front cover, was a short note. He knew immediately who had done this. And why.

 _You are right, Agent Barton. She_ _is_ _something_ _._

Only one person could possibly know about his crush on Darcy, because he had never said it out loud. Only one person could use his exact words in that note. Clint wrinkled his nose in disgust. "It's Loki."

"Lok—what?!" Stark threw his hands up in surrender. "We stopped him from taking over earth. We _sent him back to Asgard_. For imprisonment! How could this possibly be Loki?!"

"My brother..." Thor said as he arrived. Always late to the party. "Loki has his tricks and his magic. He could have escaped without my knowledge. Even without father's knowledge."

"Oh, that makes me feel really secure." Stark shot Thor a look that said otherwise.

Clint couldn't take this anymore. They couldn't just sit there and discuss Loki's escape and not try to find Darcy. How could they be so calm? He wasn't about to stand around and do nothing. Clint turned on his heel and started down the jogging trail.

"Hey!" Natasha called after him. "Barton, where are you going?"

Clint tossed a single glance back, then set his focus forward. "To find her."


	3. Chapter 3

"These are weird. Are these even human? How do you expect me to unlock these if they're alien? It's not like I have a key. I don't even have a key to _human_ handcuffs. Get it out of the gutter." Darcy fiddled with the lock again, doing her best to ignore Loki's devious grin.

Loki kept his eyes glued to the top of her head as she worked the locks. "They are Asgardian, but they shouldn't be too much trouble for someone as clever as you think you are."

Nice. Backhanded compliments got old fast, and he was just full of them. Darcy pointed a lock pick up at him. "I will thank you to be courteous and grateful. I could stop working on these at any time and just leave you like this for eternity."

"That would be highly ambitious of you," Loki snorted.

"Maybe I'm a highly ambitious person. Do you know? I don't think so. You don't know me. I could be a master assassin, just biding my time until I can kill you." She wasn't, and she couldn't kill him if she tried, but he didn't need to know that.

Darcy focused on the problem before her. Loki had an uncanny ability to hold perfectly still, which was helpful but also ridiculously disconcerting. Every instinct in her wanted to look up to see if he was still breathing. But she didn't want him to think she was interested in him or something. Ew. That was just... ludicrous. And disgusting.

"Darcy Elaine Lewis, born April 14. Political science major at Culver University, but dropped out after receiving an internship from one Jane Foster. S.H.I.E.L.D was quick to snatch you up at Ms. Foster's insistence, and now you work closely with the Avengers."

Loki said it so calmly and quietly that Darcy almost missed the short summary of the past couple years. When it finally hit her, that he knew about her work, she raised her head to study him. "H-how do you know that?"

"I know much about you." Loki's voice came out low, husky.

Darcy gulped and returned her attention to the handcuffs. She didn't understand him. One minute he seemed to flirt with her, lighthearted and happy. The next he sounded like a psychopath and she thought he might actually kill her. She wasn't sure she liked either option.

The lock clicked and the shackles clanked open.

"Got it." Darcy shuffled across the bed and stayed there. At least she could use the mattress as a shield. For now.

Loki shucked the cuffs aside and rubbed at his wrists. How tight had they had those things? Even from this distance, she could see the red chafe marks on his skin. They could have at least put the shackles over his sleeves. That might have been nice of them.

Wait a second! He was a psychopathic intergalactic criminal, and he deserved to be imprisoned. She had no right to go around feeling sorry for him. He brought everything on himself. Every. Stinkin'. Thing.

With excruciating patience, Loki inspected the welts on his wrists and frowned at them. Then he turned his frown to Darcy. Well, crap. He did realize she was still there. She hadn't expected him to remember her. After all, she was disposable to him. Couldn't he just forget her and leave a door open? She would find her way back to the Avengers' home base dealio. Just as long as she didn't have to deal with Crazy Cat over there.

"You know how to tend wounds, yes? Working with those idiots must have taught you something of the sort." Loki rubbed his wrists again, and Darcy couldn't help feeling a little sorry for him as he winced.

She cupped her left hand around her upper right arm. "First-aid? Yeah. Kinda. I patched Clint up a couple times."

Wrong thing to say. Loki's gaze intensified and pinned her to the spot. A slow, maniacal smile spread across his face. "Oh, yes. Agent Barton. I do remember him, and all his little... secrets. You were among several of them."

Wait... what? Clint didn't keep secrets from her. They were best buddies. He saved her from _Chinese assassins_ , for heaven's sake! Why had he kept something so serious from her? Wait. Darcy shook her head. First off, Loki had never said they were serious secrets. Secondly, Loki was the god of lies. She had to keep telling herself that. She couldn't trust anything that came out of his mouth. Anything he said could be a lie.

Loki extended his arms and beckoned her with one long finger. "Care for the wounds."

"Uh, how about no?" Darcy folded her arms. "You promised me ice cream and vinyl. I'm gonna need you to pay up before I even think about doing anything else you demand."

"Do not force me to harm you again, Ms. Lewis. My patience grows thin and now that I am free, I can do infinitely more damage." The final word ended on a growl, almost inhuman in its depth and tone.

Darcy gulped. _Oh, Sparky, where are you when I need you?_ "Do you have a first-aid kit?"

"No, I do not have a first-aid kit. I only just arrived on Midgard! Must I do everything myself?"

"Whoa, hold up there, big guy!" Darcy planted her hands firmly on her hips. Mostly to keep them from shaking, but also to give her an air of superiority. She liked being the superior. "You can't expect me to work miracles here. If you don't have the medicine, I can't medicate."

Loki groaned out loud. "Where might we find this medicine you speak of?"

"Uh, probably a drug store." Darcy gave him one of her best mother looks. One that said he should have figured that out by himself. Where else was medicine apt to be on this planet he insisted on tormenting? Dude needed to pull himself together and think like a human.

* * *

/ /

* * *

Loki stared at the strange creature across from him. Fear radiated from her in unmistakable waves, yet she stood with the face of an ancient stone statue. Unwavering, unmoving, and unwilling to give in to his demands. He had never met a woman with such resolve as this Darcy Lewis who stood before him. As much as he despised her disobedience and unwillingness to ease his discomfort, he wished he could stand and study her for a long while.

Having been in Barton's head, he was not ignorant of the pleasing qualities Ms. Lewis presented. A figure curved in all the right places. Eyes expressive as an actor's voice. Ruby-red lips with just the right plumpness and texture. She was not an eyesore. She was, however, stubborn. Inordinately so.

Just now, he could sense the tension in her muscles and the tightness of her jaw. She wanted to say something, but she didn't think it a good idea. Judging from what he had gleaned of her from Barton, she more than likely wished to put him in his place with a good scolding. No doubt she would have, had he not frightened her. At least someone had the decency to be properly intimidated.

"So, that would mean we need to go to a drugstore and buy a first-aid kit," Darcy continued, her nose scrunching in an expression equal parts adorable and confused. "Like, now. If you're so dog-gone set on me taking care of your wounds."

Loki sighed. Of course the little woman still thought she could demand her way. She had more vivacity than ten Asgardian court ladies. No wonder the archer had feelings for the girl, she was practically a force in herself. "Oh, very well."

"Great! We can stop by the ice cream shop and records store on the way back. Let's go!" She clapped her hands together and turned to head for the door.

Oh, no, that wouldn't do. In a flash, Loki bounded to her side and slammed the door shut before she had a chance to open it. The small woman found herself trapped between the solid wood and the god of mischief. Loki couldn't help but smirk at the surprise and shock on her face. "Remember, darling..." Loki traced a finger along her silken cheek. "If you do anything I dislike, you will not be the only mortal I can harm in the city."

Fear, guilt, and acceptance flashed through her eyes like a kaleidoscope. Darcy lifted her chin and shrugged one shoulder, her face only a few defiant inches from Loki's. "Is that the best threat you have?" She sighed as though it bored her. "Well, okay. I guess it'll have to do. Are we going now?"

No matter how defiant or infuriating the small mortal woman might be, Loki couldn't help but admire her tenacity. He waved a hand to change into a more suitable outfit, a suit with a scarf trailing around his neck. His hand snaked out to twine his fingers with hers, and he opened the door in one easy movement. "Of course. Lead the way."


	4. Chapter 4

Darcy bounced along the sidewalk happily, even with Loki's death grip on her arm. As if she could outrun him, even if she wanted to. He didn't scare her. She was three times the person he was. Plus, if she found out where he imprisoned Sparky, she could totally overpower him. It worked with Thor.

"Oo! Vinyl!" Darcy tugged on Loki's arm and pulled sideways.

"Medicine first," Loki insisted. He tugged back at her arm, pulling her into his side and slinging an arm around his shoulders.

Okay, wow. This was closer than she ever wanted to be to the god of lies. Ugh. What was he thinking? They were not a couple. Oh, gods, did he think they were a couple just because he knocked her out and kidnapped her? That was a little crazy.

"I can hear your thoughts imploding from here." Loki snickered and brushed his nose against the shell of her ear. "Don't overthink things, little one. Not a single thing."

" _Right_..." As if. The man was confusing. Yet, on the other hand, Darcy totally understood the confusing thing. God of mischief, after all, but still. He could at least try not to make her consider suicide to get away from him.

She pulled away from him to slide into a pharmacy this time. The cashier sent her a precursory glance, then went back to texting. Really? Did no one have any customer service skills nowadays? Evidently not.

"This way, Romeo." Darcy darted into the second aisle and snatched up a first aid kit.

Loki took it from her hands and inspected it. "What is this? Why is it in a box?"

"Because that's how they package it..." Darcy snatched it back and clutched it to her chest. "Don't worry, it's got all I need to patch you up."

Loki rolled his eyes at her. "Purchase it. I've cloaked myself so the woman doesn't see me."

"Then how can _I_ see you?" She raised an eyebrow. This guy was a piece of work, to say the least. Talk about spoiled prince! He had it down to an exact science.

"Would you rather not know my next move?"

"Valid point." Darcy nodded and stormed past him toward the counter, where the unfriendly salesperson didn't even look up.

Loki probably didn't need to bother with the cloak of invisibility. Darcy doubted the little bottled-blonde would have noticed anything more than the emoji conversation on her phone. And, yes, she might have peeked a bit at the device. She had reasons!

Just as she was about to ask the troublingly non-chatty woman what her manager's name was, Loki grabbed the paid-for medicine with one hand and Darcy's arm with the other.

"Okay, yeah, bye, have a nice day! Not that you even care!" Darcy shouted over her shoulder as Loki dragged her out. She turned on him immediately. "Why did you stop me? I had a whole rant scripted and everything! I was going to chew her out so badly!"

"We don't have the time. You are the woman who asked for vinyl and creamed ice." He shoved the first aid kit against her stomach. "Medicate my wounds, and we shall return to that store you wished to venture into."

"Pushy, pushy!" Darcy rolled her eyes and broke the seal on the kit. "And it's ice cream, not creamed ice. That's highly inaccurate."

Five minutes and half a tube of neosporin later, Loki had some neat white bandages wrapped around both wrists. Her hodge-podge doctoring better come up to his standards, because no way was she letting him back out of his word.

"I doubt the Asgardian healers would approve, but for Midgard it's quite good. I'll keep you for now." He lifted his chin haughtily.

Darcy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. I'm so grateful, yada, yada, yada." She waved a hand at him. "Now you owe me some records and sweets. Let's go, your princeliness."

Darcy started off in the direction of the record store, but didn't get far with her hand clasped in Loki's. He stood like a statue, unwilling to move from his perch. She growled and turned around to fold her arms, which only half worked considering he wouldn't let her go. "What's wrong? You said we could."

"Something tells me you have plans." Loki arched brow in question.

Darcy swallowed. No flippin' way he knew her true intentions, so she shrugged and gave her best innocent look. "Yeah, of course I do. Records and ice cream."

"No escape?" Loki asked pointedly, his voice flat.

"Psh! Me? Escape?" Darcy scoffed and patted a hand against his chest. "Please, you'd catch me in a heartbeat. Look at you. You're big and strong and... fast." Yeah, that was all she had. Schmoozing wasn't her thing. Never had been.

Loki seemed to buy it enough. Must have been that bit about strong and fast. He nodded and took a step in line beside her. "Very well. We shall make a quick stop."

That's all she needed. Darcy grinned and skedaddled inside the record store. She shot for the row farthest from the door by the window, and started to shuffle through the large packets. Bee-jees. Bee-jees, Bee-jees, Bee-jees. She had to find it.

"What are you doing?" Loki peered over her shoulder.

Darcy threw up a hand and didn't bother to turn to look at him. "Gimme some space, Locomotion. I'm on the hunt for a specific record. Ain't nobody got time for you to ask questions. Here." She handed him a Bing Crosby collection. "Go figure out how to play that on the... thing-a-ma-jig." She waved her fingers.

Loki's face was too close to hers when she turned to look at him. She could feel his breath against her cheeks. With a huff, he finally acquiesced and took the record from her fingers.

While he was off doing that, Darcy pulled out a single Bee-jees record and turned it around. Now, where was it? Her fingers felt under the lip of the stand and finally came back with a small white pen. She grinned and scrawled a quick message, though no ink showed on the case.

She slid it all back where it belonged and pulled out another Bee-jees record to inspect just as Loki returned. "I have discovered the trick to using it. Can we leave now? I have no use for this Midgardian music."

"You're such a kill-joy."

"I doubt it. You simply haven't found anything that... boils my blood."

"Yeah, we're not getting it on but nice try."

Loki shrugged. "Maybe one day."

"Not likely, Loco."

"Never say never, little mortal." He grinned at her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Darcy jumped at the shiver that went through her at the touch of his skin against hers. That... shouldn't happen. She had a slight crush on someone else. She couldn't fall for the bad guy! _Get a grip, Darcy Elaine Lewis!_

"Creamed ice?" Loki asked softly.

Darcy nodded and took a step back. "Yep. Ice cream."


End file.
